I’m Sorry About Your Move

Dear Reader,

Moving is agony. As a kid, I grew up in one house, so my first real moving experience was into a college dorm room. Although boxing up clothing and finding twin XL bedsheets felt like a real pain at the time, as an adult with actual furniture, I now know that that move (with everything fitting into the back of a minivan) was small potatoes.

My lease is ending soon, so I’m moving forward (which is easier said than done!). If you have furniture, a busy life, and are lacking in social capital, moving can be so super freaking hard and expensive. When recently explaining my situation, someone told me that despite the great hassle, that they found that moving can also be “cleansing.” I cannot even muster that small amount of enthusiasm — moving just sucks (sucks, sucks, sucks!). Here is a list of the things that you will probably have to consider if you are moving from one apartment to the next within a city:

You’re moving! You’ve decided to move — well, that’s just great! Step one is to let your landlord know in advance (commonly two months is required) in writing. If you are late, you may have to pay a fee, which will probably be heinously expensive (so, like, get your ducks in a row).

Look at this chick — free as a little bird. Spirit animal material, right there.

Cancelling Xfinity internet. Maybe you don’t have Xfinity, but as Comcast is the largest provider of cable internet access in the U.S., there’s a good chance that, yes, yes, you do. If you would like to cancel your Xfinity service, you cannot simply click a button and break free from the company’s monopolistic vice-like grip. Rather, you must request a call to cancel, next, you must wait up to two business days for someone to call back, then, you must hold your tongue as some Comcast employee, who is just trying to make a living, offers to make you a deal so you will stick with their company’s maddening service. Subsequently, you will categorically refuse to reconsider, after which, you will be instructed on how to return the cursed router that has failed you time and time again through either mail (with a prepaid shipping label), through a home pickup service, or by dropping the hunk of aggravating incompetence off at a UPS location never to be seen again. If you will just be transferring your internet service, there’s also a way to do that through their website if you dare.

Change of Address. A simple headache that accompanies moving is the fact that you are not only physically moving to a new address, but on paper (and on all papers) you must also change your address. Credit cards, employer(s) records, friends/ family, the doctor, Amazon.com, and even the government kind of needs to know that your address has changed, which is just a large, tedious amount of work.

Cleaning. You’re going to need to clean up your apartment — broom, vacuum, mop, sprays and such are required. If your apartment offers a cleaning service — just do it, even if you think to yourself well, I could save a few bucks by cleaning it all myself! Dear reader, if you have the means, just save yourself the hassle (bite that bullet).

Insurance. When moving, you’ll need to transfer renter’s insurance to your new place. Also, if you hire a moving service then you may (but may not always) need to look into coverage in case things get broken along the way. If you do decide to get moving coverage, do be sure to read the fine print, because A LOT is not covered —grr.

Mail Forwarding. Forwarding your mail from one location to the next is easy enough to do through the United States Postal Service website. For an extra charge, you can even extend the mail forwarding service for six and 12 months.

Decluttering. As your days in your old place are coming to an end, you realize that you have a lot of unnecessary things. Clothes that don’t fit (or are just unironically ugly), expired food in the back of the pantry, broken electronics, and plain-old junk exists, and more importantly, it exists in your soon-to-be-vacated apartment. Just get rid of it before moving! Donate to Goodwill, put a box of it on the sidewalk with a “FREE” sign on it (if permissible), or chuck it like the worthless detritus it really is! Just do it before it ends up in a box and you lug it to your new place where it will think it will get a second chance at life, but it won’t and it will collect dust and you will feel too emotionally attached to it to get rid of it now, and before you know it you will collect new junk and your space will become junky and it’s all because you didn’t do a little decluttering before your move. Is that really what you want for yourself?

Packing. There will be boxes, and tape, and markers galore! It’s always a pleasure to spend money on moving materials, said no one ever. In addition to buying, transporting, and setting up these boxes, you must pack them (and if you are prudent, label them). There will be fragile items that will require padding, there will be odds and ends that will be packed and probably never used again, and things will get misplaced. Not to mention there will be a number of irregularly sized things (like guitars and beach umbrellas, for example) that just won’t fit into boxes and make things even more complicated and expensive to move. If you call a moving service, you will need to count and inventory everything (to the best of your ability) in advance, reserve your move date, then, pay an arm, a foot, and a shoulder blade to secure a quality service that will help you get all the things (especially the heavy ones like beds and sofa — maybe even with some disassembly/ ressembly to you and your wallet’s great dismay) from one place to another (hopefully!) without a hitch.

Parking. If either of your residences only has street parking, it would behoove you to reserve (and pay for, ugh) a parking permit from the city in advance — the last thing that you want to happen is to not be able to find parking or worse, be hit with a fine for parking illegally during your move. Why is there so much to think of — ugh!

Boston, MA

Ugh again — dear Reader, this list hurt me on the inside to make. (Also, what did I miss??)

On the grand scheme of things, my move from one apartment to the next is not the most complicated task that has ever befallen man (obviously). Also, I can’t (/don’t want to) even imagine how much more complicated a move would be if one were moving with children/ pets, from or into a home, or to a new city, state, or (god forbid) new country. Finally, I am appreciating the fact that it’s 2022 and not 1982, when the lack of internet would have made everything take longer and getting a landline/ new phone number would have been another to-do (ugh some more).

If you too are moving, dear Reader — good luck (‘cuz you sure AF is gonna need it)!

Ugh — I mean — Love,

Raven

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